Post-Thesis Blues

So this week’s post is a bit more personal, more of a look into how I’m feeling now that I’m at the end of my Masters.

I’ve just completed my thesis, if you couldn’t guess by the title of this post, and now I’m lost on what to do. I’ve spent so long thinking of nothing but this thesis and how to write the next paragraph, what sources to use and all of that. Since the end of August last year I’ve been focusing on my studies; at first it was my upcoming classes, getting prepared for them so I didn’t have as much to do once I actually started university and then it was focusing on moving and finishing my studies, then finding a new job and getting settled and doing my thesis.

It’s been a full on year for me and now that all of that is over I’m kind of sat here unsure what to do with myself. I’m not giving up studying (I’ve taken up learning Russian in my spare time), but now I’ve got the chance to do things I haven’t been able to do for the last four years because I’ve been so focused on my grades and university. I’m volunteering, working more hours and sitting down to read books just for enjoyment which I’ve not done in years.

That’s the positive side of it all, but there’s also that part of me that doesn’t want this part of my studies to end. I’ve had a certain structure for so long and now it’s changing which is scary and new and I’m not sure how I feel about that apart from being nervous. When I hand in my thesis properly I’m sure I’m going to sit back and feel empty. All of that drive to sit down and spend a day in front of my laptop writing, editing and reading is going to be there but I’ve not got anything to write about now or edit.

Next year I’m planning on starting a PhD depending on the grades I get back for this year, more specifically the thesis that I’m about to submit. I’m scared to start that since it’s such a big task, so much writing and editing and it all being my own work, my own thoughts, my own ideas…. That’s terrifying. It’ll be that same amount of working and drive to keep studying that I have now for however many years it takes me after that, but first I’ve got to get through this next year without that.

What I suppose I’m saying is that I struggle when I don’t have academic things to do, when I don’t have specific tasks and goals to complete and work towards. I don’t know what I’m doing in life, I feel like I’m stumbling along trying to learn how to walk when everyone else around me is doing marathons. But I’m sure that I’m not alone in feeling this way, I know there’s other adults out there who don’t feel like adults and who feel like the world is so much bigger and scarier than they ever prepared for when they were younger.

There’s other things in life out there other than academia. I get the chance to do so much with my time this year! I get to volunteer and help people! I get to spend time embroidering which I’ve wanted for so long to have time for. I’m going to learn how to spend my free time, enjoy the down time away from academia that I’ve not been able to do so far.

This blog was a journey through my Masters degree, I started it with so many ideas and in a completely different place mentally to where I am now. And I’ll continue it, looking at life after my MA, preparation for my (hopeful) PhD and then life as a PhD student.

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Hey! Tara here and thanks for checking out my blog. I update every Tuesday with posts about studying tips, advice and talk about productivity and organisation too. If you want to keep up to date with my latest blog posts I’d love it if you subscribed to this blog.

#MA #masters #Personal #postgrad #postgraduate